Z's Story

(name withheld for her security)

 

One of my biggest wishes and dreams was to get rid of Saddam and live a normal life where we could speak our minds and travel and live normal lives like the rest of the world. I was nominated in February 2003 to go to a UNICEF workshop. I could not travel because the government would not issue passports to women to travel outside Iraq if they were not accompanied by a male guardian like a husband, a brother or a father. It was so frustrating but I kept telling myself 'It is ok. Soon things will change and we will be free.' Little did I know that I would not be able to step out of my house, let alone travel out of the country.

 

I eagerly followed the news for months and watched the troops being deployed to Kuwait. I was afraid that in the last minute something would happen and the Americans would not enter Iraq and oust Saddam. I worked as a national education officer for UNICEF Iraq (and) as I went to work we would whisper with my Iraqi colleagues about the troops and the coming war and daydreamed about what kind of life we would live when the Americans got rid of Saddam. We truly believed the fairy tales being spun for us by the American government at the time -- that we will have a democratic country and we would become a prosperous country.

 

We would sit for hours at home and with trusted friends and relatives and talk about what we heard on the news from Voice of America and what the American government plans to do in Iraq after getting rid of Saddam. (We discussed) how Iraq will become a free country and we can live without fear of persecution. How we would be able to travel freely and how the country will finally become a home. We expected the only super power in the world to deliver its promises (and) put the country on a track that can lead to peace and prosperity and a happy future.

 

I stayed and worked in Iraq after the war. My job at UNICEF was gratifying and I enjoyed it very much. I was responsible for planning and implementing projects to improve quality and access of primary and middle school education in Iraq. 

 

Coming from a background where my mother was a high school teacher, I grew up to believe that education is the key to everything good in life and that every child deserves an opportunity to reach his/her potential.

 

In June 2005 my daughter, who was studying for her final exams to enter university, started to get text messages from an unknown source telling her that they know where she lives and where I work and what time she goes to attend her classes. Her father and I were really rattled and we decided to send her to Jordan as soon as she finished her exams. She finished her exams (and) graduated with a very high score that qualified her for a full scholarship at dental school at the University of Jordan. 

 

In January 2006 my husband was kidnapped from his business by men dressed as police -- never to be heard of again. I looked everywhere for my husband with my son who was in his second year of dental school. I went to anybody and everybody in the government who would listen to me trying to find him. (We) looked in the morgue and visited prisons with the aid of people I knew but he was not to be found either dead or alive and the situation remains the same to this day. Me and my son spent the days and nights at relatives and friends houses because we did not know who would be after us as we did not know the identity of the abductors and what the motive was and I was fearing for my son's safety. I decided that I had to take him out of Iraq and I did take him out in July 2006 to Jordan. I left Iraq for good in January 2007 after giving up on finding my husband.

 

My life can be summed up in a few words that are equal to my few belongings that I have with me. I am a refugee with no identity, no roots and no sense of belonging. The only familiar thing that I can see around me is my clothes that I brought with me, I could not even bring pictures of my family with me.

 

What do you choose to bring with you? What do you leave behind? You are leaving a life and your history and you cannot pack that in your bags and bring it with you. I am struggling to find a job (but) I am lucky. I speak the language and I have skills that will enable me to find my way in time. Until then, everything is a struggle mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The positive side of this situation is that American people are friendly and helpful. I always wonder if I did not have the help and support of some friends here what would my life would be like here. They are welcoming and understanding and sympathetic to us. They offer help whenever possible and they go out of their way to help all the time. I think in time we will find our new secure home here.

 

I want to find a job that will give my life a sense of security and I want to find new friends here and create an environment as familiar to me and my children as possible.

 

I think the US is very responsible not only for the people who worked for the reconstruction of Iraq but all the Iraqis and the fate they are facing. I don't know what should fulfill that responsibility. Every single Iraqi's life is affected in one way or another even if they have not experienced personal loss - yet! It is just a matter of time until their lives will be touched. The quality of life we had was full of trouble, (but) it was in many ways a life, whereas now we can't live at home. We became refugees and had to leave everything that was loved and familiar to us behind with all our lives. Our children will not know and the generation to come will not have a sense of belonging and will never return home. The fabric of our society and all what was a certainty is no more.

 

Back to: In Their Own Words Main.